


i'm in a clique but i want out

by avengersincamphalfbloodstardis



Series: Music [6]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, All relationships are not explicitly mentioned, Angst, But are hinted towards, But really it's 6+1, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-29 00:22:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3875413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avengersincamphalfbloodstardis/pseuds/avengersincamphalfbloodstardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>alternatively titled 6 Times the Avengers Thought About Quitting the Team and 1 Time They Were All In This Together. Inspired by the line in Love Club by Lorde.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Natasha Romanoff

The longer she stayed in the Avengers, the more well known she became.

It was everything she’d been taught against in the Red Room; remain anonymous, undercover, never have a true identity other than to be a weapon.

She’d joined the team for Clint; to save him.

He was safe now, had his own floor in Avengers Tower, had the team to back him up in the field and he could take care of himself when he went on his solo missions.

She wasn’t needed here anymore.

So she packed her bag, a small duffel with the bare minimum, a few articles of clothing, her favorite guns and knives, one book, frayed corners and pages falling out, the Russian words faded.

She left in the middle of the night, cursing every cliche step she took.

She grabbed the door handle and the lights flicked on.

“Leaving so soon?”

She turned her head just slightly, not enough to look him in the eye. Cowardice.

“Never took you for a трус,” he said, strolling around the kitchen table.

She smirked. He’d always had an interesting window into her mind.

“You’d be surprised at how much of a coward I can be,” she said, still not turning around.

He chuckled and pulled a chair out, sitting down and putting his feet up on the table. “Oh Nat.”

She turned more, eyebrow raising. “Oh, Nat? That’s all you have to say?”

He shrugged. “What would you like to hear?”

A wave of anger came over her. “Oh Clint, you’re so clever, don’t you know exactly what I want to hear?”

He laughed. “You’ve always been a mystery, Tasha, even to me.”

She dropped her duffel and walked to the table, putting her palms on the wood. She glared menacingly, a fresh wave of fury hitting her when he just smiled.

“If I’m such a mystery, how did you know I was going to leave tonight?” She snarled.

He shrugged again. “Lucky guess?”

She laughed bitterly. “Of course, Barton. You’ve always known just how to duck out of answering questions you don’t like.”

He looked into her eyes and she saw no fear. “Alright Romanoff, I’m not here to tell you sweet nothings and make you stay. I just came to say goodbye.”

Pain flickered in her heart and she cursed the time she had already wasted on this team and with this man. It had made her soft.

“Fine,” she said. “Goodbye.”

“Bye,” he said.

He stood and walked away.

He stopped at the door and barely turned his head. “Are you coming?”

She started, surprised.

He walked off, disappearing down the hall.

After a beat, she followed him, abandoning her duffel and crawling under the covers next to him.

And if her duffel disappeared with all of her belongings put back in her drawers, neither of them ever said a word.

 


	2. Thor Odinson

“It’s so strange, brother,” Loki said.

He was still playing his mind games, sitting in the cell. He was leaning up against a wall, lookings disheveled, as though Thor’s problems were really a source of torment rather than joy for him.

“What is that?” Thor moved the small piece on the game board.

“I suppose I can understand why you would go to Midgard every once in a while.” Loki waved his hand and one of his pieces floated up and soared to another place on the board.

“I don’t suppose your Jane would be amenable to staying here in Asgard for always. She’s very strong willed.”

Thor shot him a dirty look and took one of his pieces. “She is.”

Loki grinned wickedly. “But what I find strange is that you spend most of your time on Midgard with those friends you call the Avengers.”

“And why is that, brother?” Thor said, not looking forward to the answer.

“Well,” Loki made his move, both on the board and in this game he was playing with Thor’s mind. “Why spend time with them, when you could be here with me?”

Thor stared calculatingly at Loki.

Loki’s predatory grin got wider and he knelt down on his hands and knees, crawling slowly toward him.

“Come on, brother,” he purred. “I know you are tempted. You would like to leave your precious team to stay here with me. Maybe you could change me. Make me see the errors of my ways.”

He came to a stop in front of the glass.

Thor stared at him, entranced.

It wouldn’t be so bad to stay here. He loved Asgard. He loved his friends here and fighting battles. He loved the feasts and the parties.

And the Avengers were capable of fighting on their own, they could hold their own just fine.

Jane might even be persuaded to come and stay or visit if she liked; the science here was very advanced and she would enjoy it.

And Loki was capable of change; he had proved that much.

Perhaps he could stay...

Thor shook his head. Loki’s words were clouding his judgement.

“Shut up and make your move,” Thor grumbled.

Loki grinned and waved his hand.

“Oh, brother,” he sighed, rolling over onto his back like a cat. “You are considering it, aren’t you?”

“Of course not,” Thor said, eyeing the board and pointedly not looking up. “I have a place there. I’m not going to sit down in a prison cell with you every moment of my life.”

“But Thor,” Loki’s grin glinted. “What is it you are doing right now?”

Thor’s gaze snapped up to Loki’s smiling face. 

He was whiling away his time in a prison, spending time with the man who was once his brother, the man who was now a madman.

He was already wasting his time down here, he just hadn’t realized it.

Or was he wasting time?

Loki had already changed. He had become a docile prisoner, granted his quips and jabs always stung, though they always had before.

If Thor just spent more time with him...

No.

Thor shook his head again and went back to the board. “Brother, if you continue trying to addle my brains I will leave and not come back again to visit you.”

“Oh dear,” Loki pouted. “And what a tragedy that would be.”

“Well, if that’s how you feel, then perhaps I will leave you right now,” Thor made to stand up.

“Wait!” Loki said.

Thor raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”

Loki’s features drooped. “Stay.”

“Ask nicely.” Thor hid a smile.

“...Please stay,” Loki said.

Thor smiled. “Alright.”

He sat back down and made another move. “Check.”

Loki smiled. “Good move.”

“Thank you,” Thor said.

They sat in silence for a moment, making their respective moves, Thor trying to get out of check.

“I so enjoy our time together, brother,” Loki said. “I sometimes wish it could always be like this. Like when we were younger.”

“Yes,” Thor said. “I understand.”

“It could always be like this...” Loki said, grinning again.

“Goodbye Loki,” Thor stood and walked off. He stopped before the steps and turned his head slightly. “I will come back.”

“I know,” Loki’s voice was soft. “Oh, and Thor?”

Thor turned back to look at him.

Loki grinned and waved a hand in the air, his piece making his move. “Checkmate.”


	3. Steve Rogers

Tony as in the hospital. Again.

Steve sat bedside, like he did every time Tony got himself into these situations.

Every time he failed Tony.

Tony’s eyes flickered open and he looked over at Steve, half sprawled on the bed with him. Technically he was sitting in the chair next to him, but his torso had found his way onto the bed, forehead resting on Tony’s stomach and hand gripping Tony’s wrist.

“Steve,” he whispered, throat still hoarse.

Steve’s head jerked up. “Tony?”

“Right here, Steve-o,” Tony smiled.

“Oh Tony,” Steve said. “I’m so sorry.”

“Really?” Tony cracked a smile. “No screaming match about how reckless I am?”

“Not this time,” Steve smiled sadly.

“Steve, you don’t need to apologize,” Tony said, fingers tangling with Steve’s. “In fact, I’d rather you didn’t. It’s weird. Just yell at me like usual.”

“I’m not apologizing for you getting hurt,” Steve said. “I’m apologizing for not being able to stop it.”

Tony’s joking smile flickered. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m not a good leader, Tony,” Steve confessed. “I let my teammates get hurt, I can’t save everybody-”

“Steve, shut up,” Tony said furiously. “You’re not thinking about this, you’re a great leader-”

“I’m leaving the team, Tony,” Steve said. “I’ll go on solo missions for SHIELD, ones where I don’t have to put anyone in danger but myself, maybe I can go back into the army-”

“Why the hell would you do that?” Tony asked.

“There’s no thinking there,” Steve said. “Just do what you’re told. I can’t get anyone hurt there.”

“You think you’re gonna feel any less guilty there?” Tony gripped the front of his shirt. “If one of your troop goes down you’re gonna feel guilty ‘cause you’re Steve Rogers. It’s what you do. You’re the best leader we’ve got.”

His voice faltered. “You’re the only leader I would consider following.”

“Tony,” Steve’s smile was sad and broken. “You don’t listen to me now.”

“Sure I do,” Tony said. “Most of the time. But you know me. Gotta go with my gut and make a few changes sometimes.”

He smiled and poked Steve in the stomach. “Learned that from the best leader too.”

Steve smiled for a moment before it was too much. He rested his forehead against Tony’s thigh. “I just don’t want anyone to get hurt anymore.”

“I hate to break it to you, Steve-o,” Tony’s voice was cheerful. “But getting hurt is part of the job.”

Steve didn’t say anything.

Tony sighed and started running a hand through Steve’s hair. “Don’t leave just yet, Rogers. We still need you.”

“I’ll sleep on it,” Steve muttered into Tony’s leg.

“Well then at least get on the damn bed, Jesus, that plastic chair doesn’t look comfortable at all.”

Steve smiled and clambered in next to Tony, putting an arm around him.

Tony cocooned himself around Steve, like he was afraid if he loosened his group, Steve would just leave.

It was a valid concern.


	4. Bruce Banner

Bruce’s hands shook around the tea mug.

He felt like he was going to rip out of his skin, like a new monster would burst forth, worse than the Hulk.

He almost welcomed it; then he  wouldn’t have to be Bruce Banner anymore, wouldn’t have to deal with this waking nightmare.

He could hear screams at night, ones that begged a green monster to stop, his own screams, him pounding on the walls of his own mind, begging to be released from inside the monster.

His clothes, a loose t shirt and sweatpants were too much, he was being wrapped up in cloth, suffocated.

The mug broke in his hand.

He had tried to leave this body behind before. It hadn’t worked then and it wouldn’t work now.

Tony was sort of right, once upon a time. The Hulk had been trying to protect him, sort of. Maybe now, if he left, the Hulk would take over again and Bruce wouldn’t have any control.

But Bruce would still be there, would still know. Powerless. Weak.

His eyelids drooped and closed. His head dropped and landed in the broken mug and spilled tea. He woke up with cuts on his forehead and hair soaked; Steve leading him to bed and wiping up the mess from his face.

The next night, he went through the same cycle.


	5. Clint Barton

Clint held his breath and released the arrow.

It sailed through the air and hit the target, dead center.

“Nice shot, Hawkass,” Tony grinned. “But you knew that.”

Clint didn’t say anything, just nocked another arrow.

“Dude,” Tony said. “You’ve been in a weird funk for awhile now. You alright?”

“That’s rich coming from Tony Stark,” Clint growled. “Wanna talk about feelings, Stark? Wanna spill your guts?”

“Hey man,” Tony held his hands up surrender style. Clint had seen that before, so many times. “I’m just trying to help but if you don’t wanna talk we don’t have to.”

Clint stared at his target, vision blurring.

He sighed and lowered his bow, shoulders sagging.

“I can’t keep doing this,” he muttered.

“Doing what?”

“Fighting with you guys and pretending I’m making the same contributions as the rest of you,” Clint dropped to the floor, resting his elbows on his knees. “I don’t have super powers, I get hurt ten times what you guys do, and it takes me ten times longer to heal. I’ve got a bow and arrow. What am I even doing on this team in the first place?”

“Okay, first of all,” Tony said, lowering himself to sit beside Clint. “This floor is filthy, I cannot believe you are sitting on it.”

“And second of all,” he slung an arm around Clint’s shoulders. “You deserve to be on this team every bit as much as the rest of us. Who cares if you don’t have super powers? Neither do I.”

“You’ve got a suit,” Clint said miserably. “You might as well have powers.”

“I built that suit,” Tony said. “To protect people. But also because I was scared.”

He shook Clint gently. “I’m not brave enough to run into battle with my own skill to defend myself. I don’t have half the courage you do. And that alone is enough to make you worthy to be on the team.”

“And if you don’t see that,” he shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell ya.”

They sat there in silence for a moment.

“C’mon,” Tony said, dragging Clint to his feet. “I’ve got some new arrow prototypes for you to test out.”


	6. Tony Stark

As Tony stared around the room at all of his friends gathered in one spot, something bittersweet pulsed in the thing Pepper told him was a heart.

They were all off, talking to other guest and each other, grinning, laughing.

A hand holding a glass of champagne appeared and he turned to see Natasha smiling at him.

“Stark,” she said.

“Romanoff,” he said, taking the glass. “And how are you on this fine evening?”

“Better than you, apparently,” she said. “Why are you staring at everyone like you have a week to live.”

“I might as well have,” Tony said, sipping the champagne. “This is my going away party.”

She didn’t show any surprise, which irritated Tony.

“I’m going back to California,” Tony continued. “I’ll still send you guys new tech but you don’t need me anymore.”

“Hm,” she said, also taking a sip. “What an interesting cop out.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh c’mon Stark, I thought you wanted to be part of something better. And now you’re just running off to California? I don’t buy it.”

“It’s not for you to “buy.”” Tony said, angrily. “I’m telling you first, so you can tell the others when I leave tomorrow.”

“Fine,” she took another drink. “Whatever you say.”

“C’mon Romanoff, you’re not supposed to be the emotional one,” Tony whined. “Stay strong.”

“I think you’ll find that _you’re_ the one being emotional Stark.” She said, raising an eyebrow. “If it’s what you really want, I’ll tell them. But you have to tell me why you think we don’t need you anymore.”

“When did you ever need me?” Tony shrugged. “I put a nuke in a wormhole and fulfilled my purpose. You guys have all the help you need.”

“Well, “ she said dryly. “I suppose if there’s ever another nuke and a wormhole you can come back, right?”

“You can count on it.”

“Mmhm,” she said. “I’m not gonna talk you out of it, lord knows your huge ego and low self esteem are already enough for me to battle with. But I am going to tell you something.”

“What?” Tony asked.

“Look over there for me,” she pointed across the room.

Tony did and his eyes landed on Steve. He was laughing, head tossed back and loud.

Tony smiled in spite of himself, smiled at the man who lit up a room.

“Do you think for one second he would let you leave if he knew what you were planning?” she said. “I know why you only told me and it’s because you knew who would stop you and who wouldn’t.”

“Besides,” she said casually, taking another sip of champagne. “It doesn’t matter if you leave.”

For a moment, Tony was stung.

“He’ll come after you,” she said. “And if you refuse to come back, he’ll stay there.”

Tony’s heart lifted.

“If you go,” she nodded towards Steve. “He goes.”

Tony stared over at Steve and smiled softly.

Steve looked up and caught his eye. He grinned and Tony felt some of that golden light, that pure goodness that lived in Steve, come over to him.


	7. +1 Time They Were All Glad They Stayed

All of the Avengers were sitting around the kitchen table.

Steve had made pancakes, Tony had brewed coffee, Clint and Natasha made omelets and scrambled eggs, Bruce made tea, and Thor toasted poptarts.

They all set the table and sat around, Tony leaning into Steve’s space, Clint and Natasha taking up half of each other’s space and Thor making sure that Bruce got all the blueberry poptarts.

Natasha looked up at Clint and smiled, a full unbridled smile, the kind of smile rarely seen and everyone noticed, though no one said anything.

Clint grinned back at her and kicked at Tony under the table.

Tony smirked and wrapped his feet around Clint’s.

Steve smiled and pressed his shoulder against Tony’s and took his hand under the table.

Bruce smiled over at Steve and poured him some more tea.

Thor put another poptart on Bruce’s plate and slung an arm around his shoulders.

The Avengers all munched their food in comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s company.

“I’m glad we’re all together,” Steve said after swallowing the last of his pancakes.

“Yes,” Thor said. “There certainly is an added element when everyone is present.”

Natasha smiled softly at Clint. “Together.”

They all grinned around at each for a moment.

Then, the Avengers alarm went off.

“WHY.” Tony yelled. “IT IS SUNDAY GODDAMMIT.”  


Steve sighed. “Avengers Assemble.”

**Author's Note:**

> show me some love with comments and kudos!<3


End file.
